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HR Corner: Sharing the nightmare of being fired

Written by Bob Aiello

Saturday, 12 April 2003 04:39

One of the things that I love most about writing for CM Crossroads is that I get many emails from readers commenting on what I have written. This makes the effort fun for me personally and sometimes I find myself really touched by the notes and comments that I receive. One of the recent emails that I received described how Susan (not her real name) felt when she was told that she was being laid off from her job. For many of us this is the stuff that nightmares are made of and, frankly, Susan’s story shares some pain. Read on if you would like to join me in seeing how Susan dealt with the situation, that many of us fear and at one time or another, most of us must face.

Susan writes…

When I was first told that I was laid off I was stunned. My boss and an HR person told me to take the rest of the day off and …. the next day too. (Of course I didn’t want the day off. I wanted to have the head of HR call me on the phone, frantically, to say that it was all a terrible mistake and that I would get a raise and promotion if I would stay on and pretend that nothing had happened!) I walked out of the conference room in shock. I packed up my laptop and (didn’t talk to anyone) walked out.

Next anger took over and suddenly I wanted to find another job – RIGHT NOW! I decided that I am not going to let this get to me. Nothing was going to get me down. I am going to see a recruiter right now! Then I looked at my watch and realized that it was 4:30pm. Ugh! derrrrrrrr – so I went home and told myself that I was going to enjoy the free ½ of my day off. I would show them!

After a day I had to return to work to finish up my tasks and help turn over my work to someone else. The next day I went off the deep end and I was so angry that that I just stayed home. I didn’t call in to explain that I wouldn’t be in. What could they do? Fire me again? Ok so the terms of my severance required that I go in to help clean things up. When I showed up the following day, I hated being there. It was awful. By the end of the day I wished that I never had to come back there again.

I had never been laid off before and I felt like I had been fired (not just downsized).. I felt like it must be my fault. What could I have done differently to avoid this pain? Should I have seen this coming and started looking for another job sooner. If only I could have found a better position and resigned because I was going to work for one of their competitors! As I walked through the office, everyone seemed to stare at me. I felt like I had some sort of disease. Everyone (I imagined) must be feeling sorry for me. It just didn’t seem fair. Why did I have to leave and they all got to stay on?

I wasn’t the only person who had been laid off and I found myself only talking to the other people who I knew had been let go. It was strange how they all seemed to be handling this better than me. They all seemed to be taking this in stride, while I was quietly getting more and more depressed. I hoped that I wasn’t going to break down in tears in front of anyone.

I was angry with my employer for doing this to me. If they were better managers they would have kept the company more profitable and I would still be employed. It was their fault. I felt mad at the world (unless they were laid off too). I walked around the office for my last 10 days there in a black cloud feeling more depressed that I could have ever imagined.

Epilogue (written by Bob)…

Susan’s story and description of her feelings touches me a great deal. I want to reach out and make it all right. If only I had been there perhaps I could have helped her find another job faster or maybe avoid the layoffs altogether. This scenario brings out all of my own personal fears and rescue fantasies (note the picture of me below in my EMT uniform!). Of course Susan did find another job and was only unemployed for a few (long) months. I asked her to collaborate with me on an article for the HR Corner. My last email from her indicated how busy was she in her new (busy) job and just didn’t have time for writing right now. I am glad.

Bob Aiello is a Senior Contributing Editor for Crossroads News and an Associate Director at Bear Stearns & Co. where he is engaged in Software Process Improvement on a large scale basis. He is also on the Board of Directors for the Organizational Development Network of Greater New York (ODNofGNY) and a member of the Steering Committee of CitySPIN in New York. Mr. Aiello has a Masters in Industrial Psychology and a BS in Computer Science.

You can reach Mr. Aiello by email at raiello@acm.org

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