Distracted. Despondent.

I have recently been distracted by a new ‘hobby’, investing (I scare quote hobby because, although it’s great fun, interesting, and not my main job, it also involves real money—and significantly MY real money—so I take it perhaps slightly more seriously than a casual hobby). Anyway, I decided to blog about investing; what I learned, the [...]

I have recently been distracted by a new ‘hobby’, investing (I scare quote hobby because, although it’s great fun, interesting, and not my main job, it also involves real money—and significantly MY real money—so I take it perhaps slightly more seriously than a casual hobby). Anyway, I decided to blog about investing; what I learned, the mistakes I made, the resources I use, the books I read, and all the other things people usually blog about.

So, what has this to do with configuration management. Well, it made me realise how jaundiced I had become about my profession. I used to be as excited and ebullient about configuration management (and all the other lifecycle disciplines) as I find myself about investing now. I could generally be relied upon to go on for hours about the subject, but of late I find myself less and less inclined to write or talk about the subject. Sure, I am occasionally prodded into action (usually when someone says something stupid), but more often than not I simple ‘do the job’ and move on.

Why do I find it so difficult to blog so effusively about my chosen profession when I can be so prolific about trading (a subject I know so little about it’s a wonder I find anything to write)? I know the fun I’m having blogging about trading is in part precisely because it’s new and I have little idea what I am doing, and I’m constantly discovering new ideas and things to learn. I’m making mistakes, and learning from them. And that’s all FUN!

What happened to this enthusiasm in my professional life?

Well, apart from spending twenty odd years banging the drum and wading in neck deep to the same problems over and over and over again, seemingly without organisation learning anything of value, I think I finally reached the point where ‘just do the job and move on’ is good enough. This is sad because I still enjoy the job while I’m doing it, I’m just no so keen about communicating it anymore.

Even reading about the subject has become a necessary chore rather than the pleasure it once was.

Can anything be done?

I thought about this and what I need to try and do is recapture that spirit I once had. I need to take myself to a place (mentally) where I was twenty years ago (and where I am now with trading). That place is the ‘lots to learn’ place where things are new and fresh and challenging; all the things that get my juices flowing.

How to achieve this is another matter. Perhaps continuing the posts I started some time ago on basics would help. Perhaps being less concerned about being ‘right’ and being more concerned about communicating my passion for the subject is what is needed. Perhaps being less concerned about my audience and any pretence of cohesion in a series of posts. Perhaps just writing. Writing short notes, writing long rambling posts, or just having a rant, will help kickstart my enthusiasm again.

Perhaps. Perhaps, I need to return to absolute basics. Strip away twenty years of experience and rethink the entire enterprise over from scratch. Look afresh at all the disciplines and ask ‘what are we doing?’,  ’why do this?’, and ‘is this the right thing to be doing?’. Not just reading what other people say about these subjects, but a real starting from square one teardown. State the core problems, then look for solutions (not just accepting the received wisdom but really examining that wisdom from first principles).

Then again, perhaps I just need a few years away from the whole business? Perhaps I should just go back to programming for a while, or get out of the IT business entirely? Hmmm. That may be a step too far.

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